The 10/90 Rule

By Bob Cox

When my parents would argue, which was limited to just three times a day (morning, noon and night); they would come from opposite ends of the universe. Dad called mom a hopeless optimist, with her eyes adorned with rose colored glasses while hanging out with the likes of Pollyanna and Tiny Tim as they tip-toed through the tulips. Dad; on the other hand, would have been best described as a hopeful pessimist, always looking for more reasons to confirm his belief that the world was truly a rotten place to live. He might have been miserable, but boy was he right!

I spent years searching for a place where the average human being could live in the world of reality while enjoying a steady diet of peace, joy and tranquility. During this search, I discovered a simple and effective practice where I could do just that on a pretty consistent basis.

The concept is called the 10/90 rule and here’s how it works. The happiest and most successful people spend very little time (about 10%) identifying a problem and most of their time (90%) and energy solving it. They don’t bury their heads in the sand when a problem occurs or dwell on it until they bring overwhelming misery to themselves and everyone around them. They attack the problem like a pit bull while it’s small and then solve it.

If you don’t believe this, observe the most happy and successful people you know and then compare them with the most unhappy and unsuccessful people you wish you didn’t know. Oftentimes, the most intelligent people are also the most chronically miserable people on earth. They waste the bulk of their time (90%) analyzing and complaining about problems with anyone and everyone born with at least one ear. Hopefully, if you’re near someone like this, you have two ears so that their rants can travel in one ear and exit quickly out of the other!

If your primary goal is to be happier, why on earth wouldn’t you practice the 10/90 rule on a consistent basis? I can think of at least four compelling motives that could prevent you from following this simple and effective rule.

1. The intoxicating allure of sympathy: When people we care deeply about give us their sympathy whenever we share our problems and vulnerabilities, we feel the power of their love for us. The desire for real personal freedom from our problems must be greater than this basic need to connect.
2. Getting stuck in the deep grooves of a negative encounter: Am I the only person that can have a day with one hundred positive encounters and only one unpleasant one and wind up obsessing about the negative one? I don’t think so. Negative feedback can often be extremely unsettling. The key is to acknowledge that you’re stuck in a negative groove and then resolve the unsettled issue as fast as possible using the 10/90 rule.
3. Unwillingness to change core beliefs and behaviors: When people say things like “I’m too old to change” or “That’s just the way I am”, what they’re really saying is “I do not have a strong enough incentive to change my behavior.” If you want to improve the quality of your life, you need to have enough insight to determine which patterns of behavior and choices lead to negative outcomes and then invest the time and energy to change them.
4. Addiction to drama: Do you feel like you need the external stimulation of problems that appear bigger than life to feel stimulated, energized and alive? If so, then yes my friend, you are addicted to drama and drama is the next door neighbor of misery. If you live in that neighborhood, resist the urge to borrow a cup of sugar!

If you’re feeling trapped or overwhelmed by problems that feel like a prison of pain, I strongly encourage you to give the 10/90 rule a try. Once you’ve tried it, see how you feel. If you like how you feel afterwards, by all means try it again and again until it becomes a part of everything you do. You deserve to be as happy as possible, so go for it!