How to Live Life to the Fullest

By Mick Ukleja

If I want to get an idea of a person’s desire to grow and develop, I ask a simple question: “Are you satisfied with your life right now?” If the answer is, “I’m very satisfied, very content with where I am,” I come to the conclusion that there is very little potential for future growth. Being content is only part of life’s equation for happiness. But when contentment is used as a tool to “cap off” growth, it becomes detrimental. Desire is the first key to personal growth.

Whenever you learn, feel or know something, desire was already there waiting. It’s the vehicle that carries you where you need to go. I would love to light a fire under some people, but I soon discover that I’ve run out of matches! They aren’t going anywhere, and that’s OK. It’s their choice and not my responsibility. I’m not responsible for something over which I have no control. It’s OK, and I’ll love them where they are.

For me personally, I still have passion. I have desires. I’m not all that I want to be nor have I accomplished all that I want to accomplish. That fire within you and me is called desire. The philosophers call it existential angst, the desire to make our lives count by making a difference.

I had the privilege of interviewing Coach John Wooden on his 96th birthday. I asked him this question: “Coach, you are 96 today. How do you stay so enthusiastic and passionate about life?” His answer: “Mick, the day your past becomes more exciting than your future is the day you start to die.” That thought has stuck like a piece of shrapnel in my brain.

So keep the engines stoked. This is what I call a healthy dissatisfaction¹, as we enjoy the present and live each day to the fullest. Your desire will get you out of the comfort zone where no growth takes place. Contentment and satisfaction are good things, but they were never intended to be synonyms for petrified, fossilized or calcified.

At times, our desire lights on the dashboard of our lives grow dim. Those are the times when you keep the engine running. Eventually you will see your desire meter rev up and you are on your way!

Napoleon Hill said, “The starting point of all achievement is desire.” Weak desires bring weak results. Just as weak fires leave us a little cold. And they’re not much to look at either.

One other tip: Avoid the flame busters. This is the crowd that doesn’t have a desire to get out of their “comfort zone” and wonder why you’re pushing yourself forward. If your desire is low, check the company you’re keeping.

“A ship in the harbor is safe, but that’s not what ships are built for.” —William Shedd

As children, we had lots of ideas about what we wanted to do when we grew up. A child’s imagination isn’t restricted by the boundaries of age, inexperience, education and parental control. They just imagine the future they want, and it’s fueled by desire. But it’s easy to let the restrictions of adulthood get in the way of doing what we desire. So we douse the desire or the dream. Many of our boundaries are self-imposed.

So here’s the bottom line up front: While you’re thinking, think big! You can always act small later. The real danger starts by putting limitations on your thinking.

In our attempt to be practical, we often play it too safe. Use the following questions to help break the imagination gridlock:

What are the things you would like to do well?
What are the experiences you would like to have?
What do you want to start doing right now?
What are five nonnegotiable values in your life?
What things, events or activities make you feel fully alive?
What have you let slide? Why? What can you do now to reverse that?

Healthy Dissatisfaction: Starting each day with thanksgiving for what you are and have, knowing your life is better than you deserve, yet realizing your life is not all you want it to be. It’s a combination of contentment and desire. Here’s the formula: Healthy Dissatisfaction = Contentment + Desire

Three Ways to Exercise your Gratitude Muscle

Gratitude is the very thing that makes life both livable and delightful.

By Mick Ukleja

One of the most important muscles we have is the emotional muscle of gratitude. Because it’s a muscle, how can we exercise it and make it stronger?

Webster defines “contentment” as the choice to be at peace with yourself and at peace with the world around you. Contentment doesn’t lead to apathy. It leads to energy, where you feel more rather than just trying to feel better.

There is a reason why the religions of the world basically say that all there is, is all there is, and all there is, is enough. The ancient scriptures remind us of a contemporary truth—that if we cultivate discontentment instead of contentment, then no matter how much we accumulate or achieve, we will not be fulfilled or happy.

Interestingly enough, science has affirmed this truth. Being thankful leads to:

• Lower stress
• Stronger immune system
• Improved cardiovascular function
• Increased energy
• Less likelihood of depression
• Deeper sleep
• Stronger relationships
• Deeper sense of purpose
• Better coping strategies

Our culture tends to celebrate self-glorification. Therefore, we set aside a day as a reminder to celebrate grateful hearts. Gratitude lifts us above our own demands and broadens our peripheral vision so that we take delight in the gifts surrounding us.

How is this possible when there is so much suffering?

It’s instructive to remember the Massachusetts Pilgrims original harvest celebration was surrounded by disease, death and deprivation. And when Abraham Lincoln gave the proclamation for this national day, it was 1863 in the midst of the worst conflict in American history, the Civil War. Both were marked by extreme suffering.

Gratitude is not a map as much as it is a compass that points us to the realities of numerous blessings. And it broadens our perspective so we can see the source of those blessings.

We will never see a movie full of contented characters living lives of gratitude. Yet it is the very thing that makes life at the same time both livable and delightful.

 David Hume referred to gratitude as a calm passion. It doesn’t have the theatrical potential of anger, hatred, courage or sacrifice. We will never see a movie full of contented characters living lives of gratitude. Yet it is the very thing that makes life at the same time both livable and delightful.

Because it’s so important, what can we do to enhance it? Here are three exercises.

1. Be yourself.

This is a challenge in a world that’s trying to make you like everyone else. I’m not pretty enough, smart enough, talented enough, rich enough. It’s a virus that fouls up our emotional hard drive. It’s the temptation to change so people will like you. Work on being yourself, and the right people will love you. As counterintuitive as it is, it will increase your gratitude and contentment.

2. Live the only place you can… today.

It’s easy for all of us to try to live in another time and place. Some lament about what they could have done or might have become. The past is gone and the future doesn’t exist. Think all you want about the past, but it won’t change a thing. Don’t fantasize about vacation at work. And don’t worry about all the work piling up on vacation. Instead, live today, focusing on all the blessings unfolding before you.

3. Saunter into your day.

The word “saunter” comes from the Middle Ages—saint terre. Everything was considered sainted, including the earth. Therefore, to saunter is to walk on the Earth with reverence for its holiness. The opposite is to “race.” In the fast lane, it’s hard to integrate or go deep. When we take the time to live in the slow lane and reflect on the wonders of life, we surround ourselves with a deeper, more profound experience of contentment. Don’t forget to saunter, i.e. enter your day slowly.

These three tips will help your gratitude muscle become stronger. You will grow in your contentment and attract more success into your life—including grateful people.