“It doesn’t matter how far you might rise. At
some point, you’re bound to stumble.”
Oprah Winfrey spoke these words
while giving a commencement speech at Harvard University, and I
continue to find more truth in this statement the longer I live.
Each
one of us experiences a few “stumbles” in our life. Some of us
have the mental scars to show for it, too. Maybe you just got fired
from your job and don’t know how
to start over.
Or maybe you’re trying with all your might to find
a new one
without any luck.
Sometimes
we work hard for the things we truly believe in, only for life to not
go according to our plans. In these moments, you might feel like
throwing in the towel. Or that it’s just not worth the heartache to
go
after your dreams.
These
feelings of pain and doubt are normal, but they shouldn’t stop you.
In fact, when you realize you’ve hit rock bottom, there’s only
one way to go, and that’s up. The process may be a difficult one
and may even take away all your energy, but with a strategy and will,
it can surely be done.
Here
are some of the best steps you can take to achieve your definition
of success
after life knocks you down:
1. Take time to feel your pain.
When
you’ve hit the ground on all fours, you may feel the need to deny
your situation or take it for granted. Don’t. Instead, allow
yourself to be
vulnerable
to the way you feel. If you feel angry for being fired, inadequate
for a failed business or depressed that your spouse left you, accept
what you feel.
Taking time to feel your
emotions and grieving your situation is a good start to refocusing
yourself for what’s to come. You can’t rise from a fall by
avoiding the fact that you fell and actually got hurt. If you do so,
the pain will pile up and weigh you down at a later time. So grieve,
cry if you feel the tears and scream at the top of your lungs if it
helps you feel better. And it will.
2. Accept what you can’t change.
This is like grieving, but more
about understanding that what’s happened can’t be undone. If your
business failed and you’re deep in debt, you can’t change that
fact. Not in a day, at least, and definitely not by numbing or
ignoring the situation you’re in.
If
your spouse walked away from you and your kids and it hurts, it might
hurt for a long time. But you
can’t change any of it.
So try to accept it and start thinking of what comes next. This comes
after you’ve stopped screaming.
This is just part of the healing
process, and the sooner you’re able to accept and understand what
you can’t change, the better.
3. Be kind, and forgive yourself.
When life knocks you down, it’s
normal to feel guilty, blame yourself and even add self-hate to that
pile. However, at the end of the day, you must learn to forgive
yourself and find a door within the darkness.
Think about all the people that
have been in your situation and successfully lived through it. What
did they do to recover? Do your research and read about it.
The truth is, in the midst of
all your troubles and depression, someone else has been in your
shoes. Someone else has felt what you’re feeling now.
4. Evaluate your options, and redefine your goals.
Once you’ve forgiven yourself
and are ready for the next move, it’s time to evaluate your
options. Ask yourself what can be done differently by assessing what
went wrong.
If you made mistakes, write each
one of them down to learn from your behavior. If it was something you
didn’t do, think about how you’ll change things up next time
around. And if you didn’t make a mistake and yet you still failed,
focus on the future. There’s probably an aspect from your
experience you can learn from.
As
you evaluate, also think about your larger vision. What is it that
you want to achieve and when do you want to achieve it? Remember that
one of the daily
habits of successful people
is goal setting. You, too, should write down your long-term goals and
break them down into smaller
daily goals.
5. Map out a plan for your goals.
“A goal without a plan is just
a wish.”
This quote by Antoine de
Saint-Exupéry is a great reminder that just having a goal is not
enough. You can write it down, break it down into as many small daily
goals as you want, but if you don’t have an action plan to execute
it, all will be in vain.
So
make
plans around your goal.
If your goal is to heal from a breakup and one of your smaller goals
is to read inspirational books, make plans to buy the book. Even this
plan could include smaller tasks, like identifying the right book by
searching online or asking for referrals.
But most importantly, remember
to not give up. You haven’t failed until you quit, so keep at it.
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