Deep Thoughts from your Neighborhood Pothole

By Dave Trux

Wikipedia defines me in rather negative terms. They say I’m a structural failure on a road surface, caused by failure primarily in asphalt pavement due to the presence of water in the underlying soil structure and the presence of traffic passing over the affected area. Water in the underlying soil structure first weakens the supporting soil and then traffic eventually breaks the poorly supported asphalt surface until further traffic ejects both asphalt and the underlying soil material to create a hole in the pavement. I refuse to see myself in such negative and undignified terms, preferring to bask in the glory of successfully destroying the suspension systems, tires and rims of unsuspecting vehicles and the drivers they serve!

Oh, my joints are finally loosening. All this rain really helps with that. At first, it’s a joint here or there but eventually the rain helps manifest all of my joints to loosen to the point that my bones begin to crumble. It’s delightful for me to have the cars drive over me.

This simply speeds up the entire process. These cars are clueless as to the impending doom I am soon to reap upon them.

More rain. This makes me happy. The more the better I say. My transformation is nearly complete. More cars please; speed up the progression. Finally I am at least a square foot in size and growing. Let the battle ensue! I am ready.

Night and darkness are my favorite hours. I lay and wait for my first victim of the night. Here comes one. Hit me, please hit me. Darn. They missed. Wait, here’s another. Man, its dark out here and raining. Here they come. Closer, closer, and WHAM! A direct hit! That had to do some damage. Perhaps a hit to the wheel to the point they bent it. I can only hope I was successful. I didn’t feel a thing; only personal satisfaction. My lifeless soul awaits another and another. Ah, the satisfaction of being a pothole belongs to me and only me!