The Rubber Ball Rule

By Bob Cox

Ever hear of the old saying, “It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters”? This was first said nearly two thousand years ago by a philosopher named Epictetus. While I do agree that what we ultimately do or don’t do after something bad occurs is of crucial importance, I don’t believe that denying the importance of the event itself is truthful, healthy or wise.

For example, consider the appalling number of tragic events that have unfolded around the world in just the last month. What if one of the people that were senselessly murdered was someone that you loved? Could you say with 100% honestly that the event was completely unimportant and that the only thing that mattered was what you did afterwards? I know I couldn’t. My one and only hope would be having the strength and courage to immerse myself in positive action, like TV personality John Walsh.

On July 27, 1981, Walsh’s six year old son Adam was abducted from a Sears store in Hollywood, Florida and later found murdered. Instead of caving in to heartbreak, rage or despair, John and his wife Reve rolled up their sleeves and went to work on a passionate campaign to help missing and exploited children. Their efforts eventually led to The Missing Children’s Act of 1982, The Missing Children’s Assistance Act of 1984 and The Adam Walsh Child Protection and Safety Act of 2006. Amongst all of these great accomplishments, which undoubtedly saved the lives of countless children, Walsh is best known for being the host of one of the longest running shows in history: America’s Most Wanted, which helped capture over 1,000 fugitives!

Fortunately, most of us will never have to endure such a hideous nightmare. On the other hand, comparing and minimizing the tragic events we’ve experienced is not the answer when the question is this: How do I rebound from tragedy?

I think the first thing we need to do is resist the urge to compare our problems with the problems of others, even when they’re similar. Why: Because no two people are exactly the same. When two people suffer a similar fate, the impact of the event often has a drastically different outcome. That same thinking applies to comparing different events and their subsequent results on each individual. I remember hearing a story about a very wealthy woman during the last big recession that had to sell her diamond rings to make ends meet and she was devastated, seemingly more so than a number of people that had just lost their jobs, homes and marriages.

I believe what matters most during the aftermath of a challenging event is our perception of the event and the coping skills we have to get through it. Whenever I’m either in the middle or just recovering from a difficult setback, I often apply what I call “The Rubber Ball Rule”. I imagine myself as being a rubber ball that’s been dropped from a skyscraper. The further I fall, the higher I bounce back! Even though this visualization technique may seem ridiculously simplistic, it’s been extremely effective whenever I’ve taken the time to apply it.

If you’re having a difficult time bouncing back from adversity, don’t allow others to pressure you into feeling ashamed for not getting over it in the time frame that they feel is adequate. It’s your unique life and your unique experience. Once you’re ready to move forward, visualize yourself as the rubber ball, bouncing back higher and faster than the inspiring John Walsh!