Write On

By Bob Cox

The world has never been more exciting or stressful as the speed at which things get done is faster and more furious than a Vin Diesel movie. As we buzz along the superhighway of technology and information, our smart phones just keep getting smarter while I keep getting dumber. Yes, I’m jealous of my phone, but that’s a story for another day. Life in the 21^st century is truly one wild and crazy ride, even without the assistance of our Czechoslovakian buddies from late night television during the 1970’s. Hopefully, at least a few of you are old enough to remember Steve Martin and Dan Aykroyd from Saturday Night Live fame.

As thrilling as it is to be part of this wonderful new world, I find it necessary to jump off the ride and decompress more than ever. Even when things are going well, I enjoy taking time out of my day to slow down. Hopping off the merry-go-round helps me stay more balanced and peaceful. Of all the activities I use to slow down, one of the most powerful and helpful tools I use involve doing what I’m doing right now…writing.

I have found that through writing, I’ve been able to resolve a number of important and unresolved issues. One of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever heard and taken was writing a letter to someone I was most angry with. Several years ago, I wrote a letter to my mom about how upset I was with her over her decision to choose alcohol over her family while I was growing up. As I wrote that letter, I felt an ocean of negative emotions slide back into a sea of serenity like gentle waves.

As I was wrapping up the letter, I became acutely aware of a new and healthy emotion I had seldom felt towards my mom…gratitude. I began to feel very proud of my mom for overcoming her addiction to alcohol, especially without any external assistance. She was able to get off the merry-go-round of misery, dig deep and unearth a better and healthier version of herself. Because of her bravery and wisdom, I became excited to rebuild a healthy relationship with the wonderful and inspiring woman that was my real mom.

Does it matter if you are not the second coming of William Shakespeare or Ernest Hemingway? Absolutely not! The skill of your writing is completely irrelevant. It doesn’t even matter if you present the letter to the person you’re angry with, although I did share the letter with mom (which was mostly positive) and it brought us closer than ever. If you’re grappling with anger and frustration towards another person or even yourself, be sure to enjoy the process of getting in touch with the deeper and wiser version of yourself and…write on!

What matters most is your willingness and desire to peel away the layers of toxic experiences and unresolved emotions so that you can bask in the light of enhanced tranquility. If you do choose to write, be sure to follow the 10/90 rule by investing 10% of your letter addressing the issue and 90% of your letter discussing reasonable and realistic solutions. If you fail to do this and spend the entire time itemizing your grievances, you will never reach the desired levels of freedom from those negative feelings.

Sure, we could achieve similar or even greater results without the writer’s block by consulting a skilled therapist. But that would never work for me because my inner Jack Benny, the notorious penny-pincher from the good old days, would have a meltdown of mythical proportions. So, in order to keep the peace from the inside out, I will continue to do what I enjoy doing the most and…write on!

Happy Mother’s Day to all you moms and to you Beverly Jean Rothermel-Cox…my mom. January 24, 1924 – May 30, 2012. Your spirit is alive and well.